Growing up with parents who fight12/8/2023 Talk with your sibling about what you see happening and agree on how to deal with it. If your parents pit you against your siblings, you may want to intervene. You can intervene by changing the subject or gently saying something to make your parents aware they are fighting. It can be very embarrassing when your parents fight in public, and it can become so automatic your parents may not even realize they are doing it. If your parents fight in public places like restaurants, doctor’s offices, family gatherings, or friends’ houses, you may want to intervene. You can gently but firmly intervene by calling attention to the fact that the fighting is inappropriate and harmful. Sometimes they don’t even realize that their words are hurting one another or you. When parents fight, it can become verbally abusive. You want to avoid inflaming the situation, but at some point, you may feel compelled to intervene because you deem it appropriate, reasonable, and the responsible thing to do. When Is It Appropriate to Intervene When Your Aging Parents Fight?ĭeciding when it’s appropriate to intervene when your aging parents fight is a very individual and personal choice. When people get older and haven’t resolved or accepted these disappointments, it can cause fighting between parents because they blame one another. Perhaps your mother never had the career or education she wanted due to child-rearing, or your dad never fulfilled his potential. You may not realize that your parents may have unresolved issues that contribute to fighting constantly. Memory loss in a parent can be stressful and the other spouse doesn’t know how to cope. Your mother could be anxious about having to assume more of these responsibilities. Or, your dad could have a cognitive impairment, and he has always managed the finances. Your dad could be upset with her because he doesn’t know how to deal with this change in their relationship. For example, let’s say that your mother is beginning to have memory problems. If one of your parents has cognitive impairment due to dementia or some other condition, this can cause resentment, misunderstandings, and conflict. These disagreements can cause ongoing fighting. Each of your parents could have very different ideas about whether that is something they want. In particular, if your parents are beginning to require more and more assistance, assisted living may come up. When the time comes to make decisions about care in the home, there can be disagreements between your parents about what they want and when they want it. Most older adults state they want to age in place, which means at home. If you and your parents have not gone through pre-planning like the caring for aging parents checklist, you could be faced with significant disagreements about care. Generational influences can impact the ability of your parents to adapt to changing responsibilities. When two people depend on one another for specific roles like finances or cooking, and those roles change, it can contribute to fighting. Changes like increasing isolation, loss of friends, and declining physical function can cause anger and frustration. Loss of independence and controlĪs your parents age, you may notice that they need more help. As you spend more time with your parents as an adult due to caregiving duties, you may notice the conflict more than you did when you were younger. If long-standing disputes are not resolved, they typically do not go away and sometimes worsen. Or, at the time your parents did not fight in front of you so you didn’t realize there was conflict. This could be because you didn’t pay attention. As you grew up with your parents, you may not have noticed that there was conflict. You may have to spend some time noticing and observing your parents in order to understand why they’re arguing and what you can do about it. Parents argue for many reasons, and understanding why can help you empathize with their situation. Why Do Some Aging Parents Argue All of the Time? Understanding why parents fight and developing coping strategies will help you both. It may or may not make a difference in how your parents behave, but you need some peace of mind and a way to deal with this problem. Your emotions can run high during these fights, and controlling what you say and how you respond is crucial. So trying to understand their behavior and how to deal with fighting can be challenging. How to Deal With Your Aging Parents ArgumentsĪs a child, you probably grew up respecting your parents and their authority.When Is It Appropriate to Intervene When Your Aging Parents Fight?.Why Do Some Aging Parents Argue All of the Time?.There could be several reasons they argue and situations that contribute to the problem. Your parents may have always been the arguing type, or they may have recently started to fight. Dealing with parents who constantly fight can be embarrassing, frustrating, and confusing.
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